In the silence of a blackout

 New York City has no power
And the milk is getting sour
But to me, that is not scary
'Cause I stay away from dairy
La la la la la la

This was the only thing I could think of for two days while I lived without electricity for the first time in NYC. Why? Because my brain tries to make FRIENDS references every chance it gets. Because my milk was ACTUALLY getting sour and I don't stay away from dairy. I mean, I had dreamed of living a life as depicted in F.R.I.E.N.D.S., and I pretty much am sort of doing that - 6 people in an apartment, in their early to mid-20s, trying to navigate lives and careers, wondering if we have "magic beans" or not. [Except in uptown and not Groove Street and not in a rent-controlled apartment that is a freaking steal but a barely survivable three-bedroom 🙂] But I hadn't wished to experience every single episode - and definitely not "the one with the blackout". [Well, maybe if I had a Phoebe living with me to sing along but other than that, NO THANK YOU]

So as the lights of my apartment went out and my frustration from the first day of blackout turned to hysterics on day two, all I could do was pause, put my headphones on, and forget about my surroundings for a while. I opened YouTube music and put my comfort songs on shuffle. The thing with music (at least for me) is that it pushes you towards thoughts that, on a normal day of rush and access to electricity, you wouldn't encounter. This time, these thoughts comprised of the tiny observations that I have been making for the last three weeks that I have been in this city, but never considered processing. (Good for me though because I get to write a blog about it now :)) 👾

 The first thing to come to my mind was the realization that I have been smiling to myself a lot. Every time I see a dog on the streets or in a stroller or in Central Park, I have a huge grin on my face. (The dogs here are sooooo adorable!!!!!!) Even though I am scared of dogs, I just want to squish them and impulsively adopt a few of them ><><>< I recall the time I discovered the Instagram page called "thedogist" on a random night and scrolled through all the reels with puppy eyes while watching puppies being their absolute charming selves. 🐶

Every time I see someone walking on the street with headphones in their ears talking passionately to someone on the go, I smile to myself thinking about the time I used to picture NYC in my mind and how that picture comprised of busy walkers having conversations while crossing streets. I smile because I can't believe the picture is now a live-action movie playing around me. And it's so weirdly interesting to overhear random conversations with no context whatsoever. 🚶🏻‍♀️🎧

I even smile to myself when I burn my hand while making eggs; when I mess up my coffee; when I run for my life when I encounter rats outside my building; when I take the wrong subway and get down 50 streets away from my apartment; or when I'm on the verge of crying because I'm homesick. I smile because I'm reminded that I'm officially "adulting" and even though it seems to be very difficult, it is something I have been looking forward to and it's exciting and I prefer misadventures to the mundane (that's disturbing 😶)

Maybe I smile because I recently learned that smiling tricks the brain into believing that "I'm fine." Maybe I DO NEED to trick my brain into believing that "I'm fine" because that feeling is not coming naturally to me. Maybe I'm smiling because I'm actually sooo happy to be living in NYC that nothing can ever upset me. Maybe all of this is pure crap and I'm smiling just because. [I just realized that I use "maybe" a lot in my blogs which is not a sign of a good writer :( ] 🤷🏻‍♀️

What I mean to convey is that while this city has so many extravagant things to marvel at and get excited about, I am surprised that these little instances that can easily go unnoticed are standing out to me. And this is what gives New York City the "character" everyone talks about; what made me excited about the prospect of living here; and what no other city (except for maybe Mumbai (because I'll always be biased towards it) has. After almost a month here, I must have walked the same Columbus Avenue about 12 times, I must have stopped and stared at the Cathedral of St. John the Divine about 10 times, and each time I have felt a different feeling; and I'm still not tired of the same views. And I doubt I ever will be. THIS exact thought, this exact realization is what excites me and fills me with hope that there is a slight chance I will become familiar enough with this city to self-assign myself with the label of a "native" but still never get tired of it. And maybe then I could call it "a home away from home." ✨

Until then, I'll continue to vibe to Taylor Swift on my walks (cannot NOT MENTION her :))

~ vee 🗽