Laces of Life: Walking Through Uncertainty in NYC
Black (borderline dark grey) addidas with orange laces - if you've known me for the last eight months, you know what I'm referring to. My walking shoes aka the shoes I've worn to walk around New York City for the last eight months aka the shoes whose laces have set me and my friends a minimum of twenty minutes behind schedule everytime we go out because they keep coming undone 😠aka the shoes in many, many of my instagram stories. Why am I talking about a pair of shoes though you ask? Well, I actually want to talk/write/yapp about something related to walking but am trying to act "like a poet (writer) trapped inside a finance (data science) guy" and start with something "funny" and "unrelated" that'll eventually make sense at the end of the blog.
"What shoes does everyone wear in New York City?" - this was an ACTUAL google search I did when I was making a list of stuff to pack. The results? New York is a pretty walkable city. If you don't wanna break a bank each time you go out, you either walk or take a subway AND walk. But you definitely, inevitably walk a lot. Anything that is less than 40 mins away on foot is "nearby" and "walkable." So definitely buy a good pair of walking shoes. And hence, I had to stop myself from buying a pair of converse or vans that i was eyeing for a LONG time and go for actual, proper pair of walking shoes. What did I buy? The Black (borderline dark grey) addidas with orange laces. 👟
I've walked 665 miles (yes, I calculated) so far in these shoes. Most I must have walked in all my life. (At least, most I've ENJOYED walking in my life.). Because even though the reason for walking initially was saving money, it definitely has become more than that. If you've read my previous blogs, you'll remember I've walked 50 streets at once to go from North CP to South CP, multiple times. I've walked the entire fifth Avenue from 59th to 32nd multiple times, I've walked the entire Brooklyn Bridge in bitter cold, I've walked the entire financial distirict on foot multiple times. And each time, I've felt like I'm doing it for the first time. Because, in New York, if you're out, no two days are the same. In fact, my walk to campus everyday feels different too. I click pictures of the same church, the same structure of a man sleeing on a bench, the same row of trees, the same intersection on 110th and Broadway, multiple times, each time because someting differnt in the scene catches my attention - a dog in a cute outfit, the traffic lights against a gloomy sky, the changing colors of the trees, the sunset, that one cherry blossom tree on the intersection. To put it more poetically:
They're worn out now. My addidas. They look worn and they are torn in multiple places. They look like they are ready to retire. I can't wear them to all places like I used to before. I switch them up with my white canvas shoes for special ocassions. But I still wear them when i'm going out alone, near or far, for a walk. I still have to stop in my tracks multiple times to tie the undone shoe laces. I still have to yell "wait for me" when I'm doing the same. I still have to say "hold on a sec, let me tie my shoelaces" when I'm talking to my mom on the phone on the way to campus. I should probably stop wearing them now. Or wear them very, very rarely, say in emergencies when the new or other pairs are either wet from the rain (because seems like it rains ALL the time in New York.) I should probably throw them away and make room for a new pair of walking shoes. But I still can't bring myself to?? I mean, I've been literally saying for the last three months that I'm gonna buy a new pair this weekend. Everyone is tired of hearing it because I never do. I feel like if I actually went and got one, it'll start an entire new phase of exploring New York City for me. Because, for me, all the places I've visited here are stored in my gallery with a picture in 0.5x of the ground, the place I'm at in the upper part of the frame, and my black (borderline grey) addidas with orange laces at the bottom of the frame - Times Square, a subway station, inside the subway, Rockefeller Center, Brooklyn Bridge, Central Park, Upper West Side, Columbia University, West Village, FiDi. Every place. I even click pictures of shoes of everyone I'm out with to commerate a trip.
It's such a stupid thing, I am aware, making a big deal about a pair of shoes. But the thing is, in the future, when I'm probably not in New York City (I HOPE NOT BUT who knows what's in store for me) and I stumble across my snapchat memories or a random throwback edit that Google photos makes from to time to time, and I see a snap or picture with these shoes, I'll instantly be reminded of the time (this time) when I was in New York City for the first time. My first time visiting all the places that were once just scenes on my TV. I'll remember how I visited every Pret in the city in these shoes, how I walked an hour around the Oculus trying to find the strangers project, how I stood for four hours alone waiting for the Rockefeller tree to light up at midnight, how I got lost in Central Park the first time I went there alone, how I wished I'd worn these very shoes instead of a pair of heels on my first boat cruise and the relief I felt when the day after the cruise, I wore my black (borderline grey) addidas with orange laces again to go out. I'll remember how I had multiple discussussions with my brother to select one pair of good walking shoes (because I have flat feet and apparently it is important to wear a proper shoe to protect your feet??) add picked this very pair. How I wore this to the airport when I was flying out to come to this city.
What I'm trying to say is, I'm not sure if I am ready to start a new phase of my life in New York City. Because the next one is looking very scary. From certainty that I'm here at least for 16 months to will I be here after eight months? I mean I'm probably gonna be here for only 4 out of the next eight months anyway. And that thought alone had made me spiral multiple times. And as I am typing this, I am realizing this very troubling thing about myself - I'd promised myself to, for once, not get too attached to things around me too soon because once you set your foot in this new city/country/continent, your life will become very uncertain and very not-constant. So while I was actively trying to avoid getting attached to people and experiences and things, I escaped them by going on walks alone, in this big beautiful chaotic city. And the city spiked my coffees to make me attached to itself instead. So much so that instead of being excited about getting a chance to visit new cities, I'm AFRAID to even leave this city. Toxic relationship? I think so.
Solution. I'll let myself walk in my black (borderline grey) addidas with orange laces for these next three weeks, I'll switch to my white canvas shoes for the next four months, and when I'm back to this walkable city, I'll come with a new pair of walking shoes. Maybe New Balances. And I will make myself accept the fact that that'll be a my new "novice newyorker" phase. Second phase? Second last phase? Who knows. But I'm damn sure it'll be noting like my first phase. So, addidas, you'll always be special to me, no matter how worn out you are.
Until next time!
~ Vee 🗽
PS: I promise I'm not drunk or high. I can not promice though that I'll stop listening to TTPD anytime soon. Ans as long I am listening to TTPD I damn sure am gonna pretend to be "just a girl in this big city" who's suddenly had this poetic awakening and has become a sharer of experiences in her blogs, that make her seem like she is high or drunk. But she promises she's not :)))
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